Publix...Where Shopping Is A Pleasure

Am I the only one that thinks that the Publix Marketing team left out a key word in their slogan?  I really think they meant to say "Publix...Where Shopping ALONE Is A Pleasure".  The slogan creators have certainly not shopped with young kids in tow.  Don't get me wrong, I love Publix but man, it can be crazy.  Here is just a sample of one of our more recent Publix excursions.

Ben falls asleep in the car on the way to the store.  I leave him in his carrier but I have to put MB in the buggy seat to keep her contained so Ben's car seat goes into the main area.  That leaves about two inches of room inside the buggy.  Ben wakes up as soon as we get in the store.  MB tries to make him laugh but she scared him instead so he gets upset.  Pacifier in, things calm down.  We hit our first aisle and are after cheese.  MB must hold both packs!  The things that I think are on sale, are not so I make a quick change from my list.  The cereal that I want has holes in the cardboard of the box so I dig to find a decent box.  I look up and see that MB has placed bite marks through the cheese package trying to get to the cheese.  Awesome.  I race up and down the aisles and skip the ones I think we don't need.  We get towards the back of the store, MB says, "I gotta go potty".  We race to the front of the store.  I have everyone in the buggy so I push the whole thing in.  Nothing like taking your pork chops into the potty.  Ben doesn't like the sound of the toilet flush and MB does her regular thing of trying to touch everything nasty in the stall.  We clean it up and head back out to the store.  We get a few more things and I have groceries stacked all around Ben's seat and if one thing falls, he will be covered with food.  The bottom of the buggy is packed too and my cereal boxes keep trying to slide off the cart.  My fast and sudden movements don't help things.  I realize that I needed some items from the aisles that I skipped so I backtrack.  I promise MB a balloon if she stays in the buggy with minimal melt downs.  She holds up her end of the bargain so we head to customer service.  They have moved the direction of the line so I have to change my plan.  A man sees me coming and quickens his steps so he can beat me to the line.  I am now third in line and trying to hold my tongue from putting the man in his place.  It turns out the man cut me off to buy a Lotto ticket, I hope he loses.  I get up to the front, ask for a pink balloon.  After more waiting, they come out with a deflated pink balloon and say that they are out of helium.  MB is not happy!  She wants a ballooooon!  I try to tell her their balloon thing is broken and promise to blow it up when we get home.  We finally check out.  The few coupons I have completely stump the cashier and he has to call in backup.  The lady behind me gives me the evil eye and huffs over to another line.  The poor bag guy was able to get everything bagged only to realize he would have to balance everything precariously on the bottom rack.  It won't all fit so I carry some bags myself.  I then realize what time it is and decide to go get a sub for supper.  Dan has been out of town for three days so I'm not cooking.  I take all of our groceries over to the deli where no one is working.  I finally get some help and they are out of turkey so he leaves to go shave some off.  He shaves enough turkey to make sandwiches through all of next week.  He finally starts to make my sandwich.  I look over and MB is halfway through a bag of doritos.  I reach into the bag to take one because what does it matter at this point?  She scolds me and tells me "no, that too much, these are mine!".  I try to tell her that nothing in this cart is hers and that I am the one sharing with her since she doesn't have a job and doesn't pay for anything.  She doesn't get it.  I grab my sandwich and haul all of the groceries to the car.  Ben is so over it.  MB says, "I wanna watch a movie"!  Gladly I say after I force her to say please.  I plug in the movie and start driving home.  And then, a beautiful thing happens, all is quiet except for Dora in the background!  I pull into the driveway and decide to eat my sandwich while we all sit in the car with the windows down.  Serenity now!

And that is why shopping ALONE is a pleasure.  Dan used to think that going to the grocery store alone was something fun that I got to experience and he didn't understand why I would make such a big deal out of him keeping them at home so I could go by myself.  He now understands that shopping alone is not just a pleasure, it's survival.